How Can You Help Your Friend or Family Member with OCD?

When someone you care about is struggling with OCD, it’s natural to want to help. Maybe they’re asking you to check things for them, or needing constant reassurance, or getting stuck in thought loops that don’t make sense to you. You might feel unsure—do you support them by going along with it, or do you push back?

It’s tricky. But here’s the short version: real support doesn’t mean feeding the OCD. It means helping your loved one break free from it.

First, understand what OCD actually is.

OCD isn’t just about being neat or liking things a certain way. It’s a cycle of intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and behaviors (compulsions) that people feel driven to do to reduce anxiety. Sometimes those behaviors are visible, like checking or cleaning. Sometimes they’re all internal, like mental reviewing or reassurance seeking.

So how can you help?

1. Don’t be the “reassurance machine.”
It’s super tempting to say, “Yes, everything’s fine” or “No, that won’t happen” when they ask over and over. But reassurance is a compulsion. It feeds the OCD, even though it feels supportive in the moment.

2. Set gentle boundaries.
It’s okay to say, “I love you, and I don’t want to help OCD run the show.” You can be kind and firm. When people with OCD worry about feeling rejected when their loved one sets a new boundary, I frame this as a boundary for OCD, not for them personally. Their loved one is rejecting their OCD, not them.

3. Learn about ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention).
This is the gold-standard treatment for OCD. If your loved one is in therapy, supporting them through ERP (by not engaging in compulsions and encouraging their progress) is one of the most helpful things you can do.

4. Be patient—but not passive.
OCD recovery takes time. Celebrate small wins. Validate the struggle. And encourage treatment without shame.

You don’t have to be perfect to be supportive. Just show up, stay informed, and remember—you’re helping them move toward healing, not just comfort.

*If your loved one is your child, we offer SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) groups for parents. Read more about SPACE here. Contact us today to schedule an intake for you, the parent. We’re located in Ogden, Utah with easy access from Highway 89. 

Want to go deeper?

🎧 Listen to This:
The OCD Stories Podcast – Episode on Supporting Loved Ones
A thoughtful, relatable discussion on how family and friends can truly help.

Eeva Edds - Loved ones of people with OCD (#278) - The OCD Stories