The Hidden Trap in OCD Recovery: Co-Compulsing Explained

When someone you love is struggling with OCD, it’s natural to want to help. You want to ease their pain, calm their fears, and show them that you’re there for them. But sometimes the very things we do out of love actually strengthen OCD’s grip.

This unintentional pattern is called co-compulsing. It happens when family members, partners, or friends participate in or enable compulsions often without realizing it. The good news? Once you recognize co-compulsing, you can change your approach in ways that truly support recovery.

What Is Co-Compulsing?

Compulsions are behaviors or mental rituals people with OCD do to reduce distress from intrusive thoughts. They might wash, check, count, pray, or seek reassurance.

Co-compulsing happens when a loved one joins in those rituals. Examples include:

• Checking locks, stoves, or appliances for your partner.

• Answering repeated questions like, “Are you sure I didn’t hurt someone?”

• Offering constant reassurance: “No, you’re not a bad person. No, that won’t happen.”

• Helping avoid triggers: driving a certain route, handling “contaminated” items, or making decisions to prevent anxiety.

In the moment, it feels like you’re helping. But long term, co-compulsing reinforces the OCD cycle.

Why Do Loved Ones Fall Into Co-Compulsing?

Because you care. Because it’s hard to watch someone you love suffer. Because reassurance works, at least temporarily.

But the relief is short-lived. Every time you help with a compulsion, OCD learns: “This fear is dangerous, and I need help to neutralize it.” That keeps the cycle going and makes recovery harder.

Signs You Might Be Co-Compulsing

You may be co-compulsing if:

• You feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” to avoid triggering OCD.

• You repeat the same answers to reassurance questions daily.

• You do tasks for your loved one that they avoid because of anxiety.

• You notice that helping reduces stress for a moment, but the cycle quickly returns.

• You feel exhausted, resentful, or stuck in patterns you never agreed to.

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone and there are healthier ways to support.

How to Change Your Behavior

1. Educate Yourself

Learn about OCD and compulsions. Understanding that reassurance, checking, or avoidance are part of the disorder (not a character flaw) helps you approach change with compassion.

2. Set Gentle Boundaries

You can love your partner while refusing to feed OCD. Try language like:

• “I care about you, and I don’t want to help OCD run the show.”

• “I know this feels real, but giving reassurance won’t help you long term.”

3. Encourage ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention)

ERP is the gold-standard treatment for OCD. If your loved one is in therapy, you can support them by not participating in compulsions and by celebrating their efforts in exposures.

4. Expect Discomfort (For Both of You)

When you stop co-compulsing, anxiety often spikes at first. That’s normal. With time, your loved one’s brain learns that anxiety can rise and fall naturally—without rituals or reassurance.

5. Focus on Values

Shift the focus from “reducing fear” to “building life.” Support your loved one in engaging with family, hobbies, work, and meaningful values, not just avoiding triggers.

6. Seek Support for Yourself

Co-compulsing is exhausting. Therapy for family members (such as SPACE—Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) can teach you skills to support recovery without feeding OCD.

Final Thoughts

Co-compulsing isn’t a sign of weakness or bad intentions. Even therapists can find themselves in a place of co-compulsing with clients. They experience the excitement of making a client feel better in the moment, but it doesn’t help long-term. Read more about this in our blog post titled, Why Therapy Didn’t Help Your OCD (And Why That Wasn’t Your Fault).

Co-compulsing is common, understandable, and changeable. You don’t have to stop supporting your loved one, you just need to support them in ways that help, not hinder.

With education, boundaries, and the right treatment (like ERP), both you and your loved one can break free from OCD’s grip and move toward healthier, more connected relationships.

At The OCD Relief Clinic, we work with individuals and families to recognize and change co-compulsing patterns. Together, we can help you love your person and stop feeding the OCD. Reach out today.

📍 Located in Ogden, Utah | Serving Weber, Davis, and surrounding counties