What if I Don’t Want to Stop My Compulsions?

From a Therapist Who’s Been There

As a therapist who specializes in treating obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), I spend a lot of time talking with clients about compulsions—what they are, why they happen, and how we can begin the process of reducing them through Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP).

But I’m not just a therapist. I also know what it feels like to experience compulsions firsthand.

I know the brief hit of relief that comes from rechecking something, the urge to fix a sentence until it feels “just right,” the internal pull to wash my hands one more time, just in case. I also know how incredibly personal, soothing, and even enjoyable those rituals can sometimes feel.

So let me say this clearly:

If you’re thinking, “But I don’t want to stop my compulsions,” you are not alone.

In fact, that hesitation is more common than you might think. And if you’re here, wondering what that reluctance means, whether you’re in denial, avoiding treatment, or maybe even misdiagnosed you’re in the right place. Let’s unpack it together.

First, What Are Compulsions?

In OCD, compulsions are behaviors (either visible or mental) that a person feels driven to do in response to distressing thoughts or fears (obsessions). The goal of a compulsion is usually to prevent something bad from happening, or to relieve the anxiety caused by the obsession.

Some examples:

• Washing your hands repeatedly to avoid contamination

• Seeking reassurance that you didn’t hurt someone

• Mentally reviewing conversations to make sure you didn’t say anything offensive

• Repeating phrases, counting, tapping, or checking locks over and over

What makes these compulsions part of OCD is that they’re performed to neutralize discomfort, reduce anxiety, or prevent feared consequences. And often, people with OCD recognize that their compulsions are excessive or irrational even if it’s incredibly hard to resist doing them.

So... Why Would Anyone Want to Keep Doing Them?

Here’s the thing: compulsions don’t always feel bad. In fact, they often feel comforting especially in the short term. That little surge of relief or certainty? It can be addictive. For many people, compulsions become rituals that provide structure, calm, or a sense of safety in a chaotic world.

So if you're thinking:

• “I like doing it this way; it feels better.”

• “I don’t see why I should stop this if it works.”

• “This isn’t a problem for me; it’s other people who don’t get it.”

…you’re not being stubborn. You’re describing something important. And it might be a sign that your thoughts or behaviors are egosyntonic.

What Are Egosyntonic Thoughts?

Egosyntonic means the thoughts or behaviors feel aligned with your identity, values, or preferences. They feel “right” to you even if they’re causing problems in your life.

This is different from egodystonic thoughts, which feel unwanted, intrusive, or distressing. Most people with OCD experience their obsessions and compulsions as egodystonic, meaning they don’t want them, but feel stuck in them.

But when a person likes their rituals, or sees them as essential, helpful, or justified—even when they interfere with their life—that’s when we start exploring other possible diagnoses, including Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD).

OCD vs. OCPD: What’s the Difference?

Let’s clarify a common misconception: OCD and OCPD are not the same thing.

• OCD is an anxiety disorder. The person usually knows their compulsions aren’t logical, but feels intense distress when trying to stop.

• OCPD is a personality disorder. The person often sees their behavior as appropriate, necessary, or even morally superior.

Some key traits of OCPD include:

• A preoccupation with order, rules, lists, or details

• Perfectionism that interferes with task completion

• Rigid thinking or “my way is the right way” mentality

• Reluctance to delegate tasks

• Excessive devotion to work or productivity

• Difficulty with flexibility, spontaneity, or change

Unlike OCD, where the distress comes from the intrusive thoughts, people with OCPD may feel more distressed by others not following their standards than by their own compulsive behaviors.

This doesn’t mean one is “worse” than the other, but the treatment approach can be very different, which is why a proper diagnosis is so important.

“But I Don’t Fit the Stereotype of OCPD…”

Maybe you don’t feel morally superior, or you’re not obsessed with perfection, but you still don’t want to give up your rituals. That’s okay.

Not wanting to stop your compulsions doesn’t automatically mean you have OCPD, it may just mean you're in a stage of ambivalence. You might intellectually know the compulsion isn’t helping long-term, but emotionally, you're still tied to it. That’s a normal part of the recovery process.

It might also mean your compulsions are tied to core values like responsibility, safety, or being a good person. In that case, resisting the compulsion might feel like going against who you are.

If that’s you, I encourage you to hold this mindset:
You can still question a behavior, even if it feels like a part of you.
You can make space to explore whether it's truly aligned with your values or just fear disguised as certainty.

How Do I Know Which One I Have?

Here’s the honest answer: you can’t know for sure without the help of a trained clinician.

OCD and OCPD can look similar on the surface, but they’re rooted in different thought patterns and emotional experiences. A therapist who is trained in differential diagnosis will consider your history, thought processes, distress level, and daily functioning, not just your behaviors.

This is why self-diagnosing based on internet checklists (tempting as it is) can be misleading. Two people might engage in the same ritual, but for very different reasons.

What If I Don’t Want to Change But I’m Still Struggling?

Here’s a gentle truth: you can feel attached to your compulsions and still be suffering.

Maybe your rituals help you feel in control, but they also leave you exhausted.
Maybe you like your routines, but you’re overwhelmed when anything interrupts them.
Maybe you don’t want to stop, but you also don’t want to feel trapped.

It’s possible to hold both truths. And that’s often where therapy begins: not with forcing change, but with compassionate curiosity.

In therapy, we’ll never ask you to throw yourself into exposure before you're ready. Especially at our clinic, we believe in building skills, insight, and trust before diving into behavioral change.

You don’t have to be ready to let go of your compulsions tomorrow. You just have to be willing to explore what life might look like with a little more flexibility, freedom, and peace.

What Can I Expect from Treatment?

If you’re diagnosed with OCD, treatment typically involves Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) which is a structured, evidence-based therapy that helps you gradually face fears without relying on compulsions.

If you're diagnosed with OCPD, therapy may focus more on cognitive restructuring, flexibility training, and working through relational patterns that keep you stuck.

Both pathways require:

• Patience

• Self-compassion

• A therapist who can walk beside you without judgment

At The OCD Relief Clinic, we’re trained to support both OCD and OCPD presentations. Our approach is collaborative, tailored, and always centered on your goals. Not a one-size-fits-all protocol.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been wondering, “What if I don’t want to stop my compulsions?” you’re asking a meaningful question.

That reluctance might be rooted in fear, comfort, values, or identity. It might be a sign of OCD, OCPD, or something else entirely. But whatever it is, it deserves to be explored with care, not criticism.

You don’t have to know all the answers. Our job is to help you uncover patterns, make sense of your experience, and walk toward healing at a pace that feels safe.

If you’re ready to start that journey, we’d be honored to walk with you. Reach out today to begin your journey.